(is in Jellyfish Fields. A jellyfish floats by SpongeBob. SpongeBob comes from behind a bush and stares at the jellyfish with a telescope. Cuts to his view with the telescope)
SpongeBob : Wow, four stingers.
(Puts away the telescope and puts on his glasses. Cuts to the jellyfish, where SpongeBob floats over it with his net. Cut to the jellyfish alone, where SpongeBob’s foot stretches out from off-screen and then the rest of his body appears. He attempts to grab the jellyfish in his net, but he catches himself in the net, then the jellyfish flies away. In the background, a land squirrel is struggling. SpongeBob looks down a cliff and sees the land creature trying to fight a giant clam attempting. SpongeBob gasps)
SpongeBob : Where have I seen this before? (Takes out his “Field Guide” book and skims through the pages) Here it is! Land squirrel. (Cut to picture of a squirrel) That little squirrel is in trouble.
Sandy : Take that!1 you sorry old clam! Y’all need to learn some manners! (She walks away) You’re about as ugly as homemade soup.
SpongeBob : Hooray, land squirrel!
(cuts back to the land squirrel, who is oblivious to the clam resurfacing and jumping right at her. Cuts to SpongeBob, who is shock, his glasses shoot up)
SpongeBob : Look out! Hold on, little squirrel!
(He does a karate yell in front of the clam, then does the same while bouncing to different sides. He jumps high in the air, and lands on top of the clam; he poses on top of the giant clam)
SpongeBob : You have fought well, giant clam. Prepare to be vanquished! Hai! (tries to pry open the clam; he stops) Hey, I’m actually doing it.
(SpongeBob continues, the land squirrel finishes prying the clam open from inside it and SpongeBob goes flying into a sea plant)
SpongeBob : Your shell is mine!
(SpongeBob pulls up his pants and starts to charge at the clam. He jumps into the clam’s mouth and starts to strangle its tongue. SpongeBob sees that the land squirrel has already escaped and the clam swallows him now.)
Sandy : Hold on there, little square dude!
(She then gets SpongeBob out and kicks the clam around some more and finally kicks it across the sea. The clam whimpers. Sandy leans down to see if SpongeBob is okay)
SpongeBob : Hey, you like karate too! (SpongeBob does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head) So, uhh, what’s your name?
Sandy : Sandy! So what do y’all call yourself?
SpongeBob : (runs up a big rock) I’m SpongeBob! (jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners)
Sandy : Well SpongeBob, take a gander at this!2
(She walks next to a huge rock and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect which precedes the rock breaking into pieces)
SpongeBob : Oh. Oh yeah? Watch this!
(He prepares to do a karate move, but all he does it make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on screen laughing)
Sandy : I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah!
SpongeBob : Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head?
Sandy : Why, that’s my air helmet.
SpongeBob : May I try it on?
Sandy : Heck, no. I need it to breath! I gotta have my air.
SpongeBob : Me too! I love air! Air is good.
Sandy : No kidding?
SpongeBob : Why, “air” is my middle name! The more air, the better! Can’t get enough of that air.
Sandy : Shee-oot3. How about coming over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? (shows a map leading to Sandy’s house) Don’t be late!
SpongeBob : Okay, see you tomorrow.
(runs to Patrick’s house, he is sun tanning on his rock)
SpongeBob : Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, Patrick, Patrick! What’s air?
Patrick : Huh?
SpongeBob : I just met this girl! She wears a hat full of… air!
Patrick : Do you mean she puts on “airs”?
SpongeBob : I guess so.
Patrick : That’s just fancy talk. If you want to be fancy, hold your pinky4 up like this! The higher you hold it, the fancier you are!
SpongeBob : (holds his pinky up) How’s that?
Patrick : Higher!
SpongeBob : Like that?
Patrick : Now that’s fancy! They should call you SpongeBob FancyPants!
(cuts to Sandy’s treedome)
Patrick : Remember, when in doubt, pinky up! You can do it, SpongeBob. I’ll be watching.
SpongeBob: Thanks pal.
(rings the doorbell with a bouquet in his hand)
Sandy : Hello?
SpongeBob : Hi-ya, Sandy. Its me, SpongeBob!
Sandy : Hold on a sec, I’ll let you in.
(whistles then all the water goes down the drain. SpongeBob bangs on the door)
SpongeBob : Sandy! Sandy! Open up! Sandy! Sandy!
(Sandy opens the door and SpongeBob jiggles on the ground)
SpongeBob : Sandy, somethings gone terribly wrong. There’s no water in… (looks around) …here.
Sandy : Course there’s no water. Nutin5 but air.
SpongeBob: (waves his hand around and smells the air) No water?
Sandy : That ain’t a problem, is it? Hi-yah!
SpongeBob : Problem? (laughing) Hi-yah! That’s how I like my air! (gasps, coughs and gets black circles around his eyes) With no water.
Sandy : (cartwheeling) Well, all right. I made Texas tea and cookies. Well, come on in! Hi-yah! (SpongeBob is walking an inch forward and it makes weak squeaking sounds with every step) That’s not in. In! (SpongeBob walks another inch and there is more squeaking. Sandy runs, gets SpongeBob, takes his hand, and runs off) You’re a funny little dude. Come on, I’ll give you the grand tour.
(fades to the blazing sun and pan down where Sandy and SpongeBob are standing)
Sandy : This is my own private little air bubble. This air is the driest… (SpongeBob gasps) …purest… (SpongeBob gasps again) …most airiest air in the whole sea. Oh, over there’s my birdbath.
(Cuts to the birdbath, where a red robin is splashing and chirping)
Sandy : And that’s my oak tree.
(SpongeBob seems enticed by the water in the birdbath. He tries to sneak away, but stays until Sandy lets her guard down)
Sandy : It provides me with extra air. This dome is made of the finest polyurethane, that’s a fancy word for plastic. Ain’t that just the bees knees? Tell you what, weren’t easy getting here neither. First, I…
(SpongeBob finally escapes and wallows in the birdbath, absorbing all the water. He then jumps back to his original spot, and the bird is quite angry. SpongeBob gets back before Sandy notices)
Sandy : …that’s my treadmill. That’s how I stay in tip-top6 shape. Well, come on. Let’s have that tea now.
(Does in-air karate moves and moves off-screen. SpongeBob gasps. He hears some knocking from outside. It’s Patrick, pointing at his pinky)
Patrick : Pinky! Pinky!
SpongeBob : (weakly holds up his pinky and gasps again. Fade to him sitting at a picnic bench. He now has little wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth is all puckered up. He holds up his bouquet) I brought you some flowers.
Sandy : (walks over) For me? How sweet! (Sandy grabs the flowers, but SpongeBob refuses to let go. She finally pries them loose and part of SpongeBobs pinky falls off. He fists his hand) You OK?
SpongeBob : (the black circles around his eyes are gone. His voice is hoarse) Yes, I’m OK.
Sandy : You know, you’re the first sea critter to ever visit.
SpongeBob : I can’t imagine why.
Sandy : Can I get you anything?
SpongeBob : Water would be nice.
Sandy : I’m gonna to put these in a vase.
SpongeBob : Take your time. (He then gasps and stumbles toward the door and struggles to open it) I gotta get out of here! Aaaaahh!
(he then thinks)
Sandy : (in SpongeBob’s head) I like you, SpongeBob. We could be tighter than bark on a tree!
(SpongeBob struggles even more)
Patrick : (in SpongeBob’s head) When in doubt, pinky up.
SpongeBob : (lifts his pinky. He then gets confidence and victorious music plays) I don’t need water! Water’s for quitters! I don’t need it! I don’t need it! I don’t need it! I don’t need it, I don’t need it… (he then sits down, loses confidence again and the music stops)
Sandy : Why, these flowers are just beautiful! (sniffs) They’ll last much, much longer in a vase full of ice, cold water. (puts the vase down. SpongeBob is totally enticed by the water. Sandy sits down across from him) So tell me about yourself. (Sandy puts her hands under head head feeling aroused) It must be fascinating being a sea critter.
(SpongeBob watches a drop of water drop down the side of the glass)
Sandy : SpongeBob? (a timer goes off) Oh, there’s the cookies. (walks back into the tree) Be right back.
SpongeBob : (thinking) I don’t need it, I don’t need it, I definitely don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. (talking) I NEED IT!!! (He shoots up in the air, bounces off the ceiling and holds the vase)
Patrick : No, SpongeBob! No, no, no, stop! Pinky! Pinky!
SpongeBob : (guzzling down the whole vase of water) I’m a quitter! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (screams and runs around)
Patrick : (enters into the dome and slams the door shut) You can’t leave now! You’ll blow it!
SpongeBob : (hanging on the door) Air is not good, Patrick! Air is not good!
Patrick : (pries SpongeBob off the door and carries him around) You’re just being shy. Don’t worry, buddy. You’re doing fine. (starts getting weak) I wont let you blow… this. (drops SpongeBob and crawls on the floor, panting. He coughs and sputters, then stands up) WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?! (runs toward the door and tries to open it) There’s no water in here!
SpongeBob : (joins in on the door-opening struggle) I tried to tell you!
Patrick : We’ve got to get out of here!
SpongeBob : You’re… doing it… wrong…
Patrick : Wait, no! We’ve got… to get… out…
(fades to the sun)
Sandy : (walks out of the tree with tea and cookies) Come and get it! Y’all gonna like this… WA!!!
(she screams and drops her tray. In the grass is a live-action sponge and starfish. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick leaning against a ladder with two goldfish helmets on. Sandy, on top of the ladder, uses a hose to fill these helmets with water)
Sandy : There, that ought to do it!7 If y’all needed water, you shoulda8 asked. (Sandy carries over a tray with three tea glasses. Everyone takes one) I propose a toast9, to new friends!
(She drinks it. SpongeBob and Patrick lift their drinks up and they clink the glasses on the helmets, causing them to spill)
Sandy : Hold on a second. (She places a tea bag in each helmet, allowing the two to drink the tea water) I hope you like your tea strong. Drink up!
(Patrick nudges SpongeBob and they both put their pinky up. They sip the tea)
All : Ahhh!