Narrator : Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. (a jellyfish flies by SpongeBob’s house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole) Oh, what is happening here? (SpongeBob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him) Collectors?

(SpongeBob nods to Patrick. They both seriously run toward two vents: one square shaped, one circular shaped. SpongeBob takes the square one and Patrick takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. SpongeBob and Patrick take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it)

SpongeBob : I think I’ve got it! Wait…

(we hear jellyfish stings and SpongeBob and Patrick screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidward’s house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike)

Squidward : Hm.

SpongeBob : Hey Squidward, we’re jellyfishing.

Squidward : Of course you are, bye now. (walks off)

SpongeBob : Wait! We made a net especially for you! (holds it up) Do you want to come with us?

Squidward : (sarcastically) Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing! I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends : SpongeBob and… uh…

Patrick : Patrick.

Squidward : Right. But I can’t. Bye bye.

SpongeBob : Next time?

Squidward : Oh sure, right! Whatever. (bikes away; under-breath) Like that’ll ever happen.

SpongeBob : You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun.

Patrick : Maybe he doesn’t like us.

SpongeBob : No, are you kidding? We’re his best friends.

(Squidward bikes down a path, cuckling to himself)

Squidward : Jellyfishing. (laughs, as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates) Oh, I’ll go. (laughs) I sure had them going.

(laughs. But, he doesn’t see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidward’s mouth and he coughs it out)

Squidward : Stupid jellyfish! Beat it!

(he hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him. Squidward’s legs get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. When he reaches the bottom, there’s an atomic explosion. He groans silently. Cut to SpongeBob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. No one there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, “Friends.” He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, who’s in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path)

SpongeBob : Squid’s back! (he phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom)

Patrick : Yello?

SpongeBob : Hey Patrick, Squid’s home! And we’re gonna make sure he’s greeted by his two best friends!

Patrick : Oh great! Who are they? (it’s revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers)

SpongeBob : Us! (the two hang up) Let’s go!

(Squidward wheels himself into his house and turns on the lights. SpongeBob and Patrick are inside with a banner, “Welcome Home”)

SpongeBob : Welcome home, Squidward!

Patrick : Merry Christmas!

SpongeBob : We’re gonna make this your best day ever! (Squidward turns around and wheels out. SpongeBob rolls him back in) Well your best day’s sure not gonna be out there.

(SpongeBob wheels Squidward to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup)

Patrick : How about some soup on your best day ever? (Squidward looks at the soup and sees Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, “Best Day Ever” Patrick holds up a spoon) Here we go! (he scoops some up, but Squidward makes some grunting noises in refusal) Oh, it’s a little hot. (he blows on it, but blows the soup off. Squidward screams off-screen. Patrick notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on. This continues for three times and we see all the steaming soup is getting on Squidward. SpongeBob pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously)

SpongeBob : I don’t think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. (walks near a music stand and Squidward’s clarinet) How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. (he blows into it, but wind comes out) Sorry, my lips are a little dry. (he wets his lips exaggeratingly long and wet and starts to blow when Patrick takes the clarinet away)

Patrick : Music isn’t best either.

SpongeBob : But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever THE best day ever!

(cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob and Patrick hold nets)

SpongeBob and Patrick : (chanting) Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!

SpongeBob : This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. (Squidward rides away, but SpongeBob catches him) No, no, Squid! Over here! I know you’re eager, Squid, but you don’t even have your net. Pat, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.

Patrick : Firmly grasp it in your hand. (he places the pole end on Squidward’s bandaged hand, but it falls because he can’t grab, Patrick picks it up) Firmly grasp it. (he does it again and the results are the same. Patrick’s mad) FIRMLY GRASP IT! (he jams the net through Squidward’s bandaged hand. He groans in pain)

Patrick : That oughta do it.

(SpongeBob spots a jellyfish)

SpongeBob : There’s one in position. Ready… set… GO! (the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isn’t budging. The two eventually notice Squidward isn’t going anywhere. They again encourage him, but nothing happens)

Patrick : I think we gotta show him how it’s done.

(in the tune of “The Beautiful Blue Danube,” SpongeBob and Patrick dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squidward, mad, goes after the jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice)

SpongeBob : Hey look! Squid’s doing it!

(as Squidward chases, SpongeBob and Patrick cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink rock and Squidward catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the rock. The rock surfaces revealing to be a really huge jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick look on)

Patrick : This guy’s good.

SpongeBob : He’s a natural!

(SpongeBob and Patrick cheer Squidward on as Squidward tries to get away from the jellyfish. After several strokes of luck, he’s eventually caught off-screen and is stung to the extreme. SpongeBob and Patrick stop cheering)

SpongeBob and Patrick : Oooh.

(Nervously. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking in front of Squidward’s place covered in bandages)

SpongeBob : Hey, Patrick. Well… (sighs) Thought yesterday went… (hesitates) pretty well, don’t you think?

Patrick : I had fun.

SpongeBob : Me too.

(some whirring is heard in the background)

Patrick : Here comes Squidward!

SpongeBob : Oh, great. (Squidward comes rolling down the path in a stretcher and in a cast) Hey Squid! How about that… (Squidward rolls down the front walk) …best day ever?

Patrick : There’s always tomorrow! (Squidward bangs on the door, trying to get in)

SpongeBob: Um, we’re really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. (he bangs the door again) Um, we got you a present! (it’s the jellyfish that caused Squidward to encounter the large jellyfish in a jar) It’s the jellyfish. (Squidward frowns)

Patrick : You know, from yesterday!

SpongeBob : You’re not still mad, are you?

(Squidward opens the jar)

Patrick : Yup, he’s still mad.

(The jellyfish chases after SpongeBob and Patrick and stings them. Squidward laughs to himself. But the large jellyfish is back and zaps Squidward. Now he’s burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off)

Squidward : Ouch.


Ripped Pants

Ripped Pants

Narrator : Ah, Goo Lagoon. A stinky mud puddle to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful, stinky mud puddle.

(SpongeBob and Sandy sit enjoying the beach. SpongeBob sighs)

SpongeBob : What a great day. (he runs off) Hey Sandy! Look! (he is now covered in a mound of sand) I’m Sandy! (Sandy laughs. SpongeBob forms sand around his head and nose to look like Squidward and imitates his voice) Hey Sandy, who am I? (Sandy still laughs. SpongeBob picks up a sand phone) Hello SpongeBob. Could you keep it down? I’m trying to be boring. (Sandy continues laughing)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

(a doorbell rings, SpongeBob walks in carrying sand pizza boxes and wearing a sand hat)

SpongeBob : Did anyone order twenty pepperoni and sand pizzas? (SpongeBob and Sandy laugh together. Larry walks up)

Larry : Hey Sandy. Hey SpongeBob.

Sandy : Hey Larry.

Larry : You guys wanna go lift some weights?

Sandy : Sure. (she and Larry walk off) Well come on, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob : (SpongeBob’s sand pizzas fall flat as he walks on dejectedly, disappointingly) Coming.

(cut to a group of weightlifters, each grunting as they work out. Larry turns to Sandy)

Larry : Give it a try, Sandy.

(Sandy stands in front of a weight. She picks it up, grunting as she does so. The crowd cheers for her, and she throws the weight down)

SpongeBob : Good job, Sandy. Well, that’s about enough for today, don’t you think? (SpongeBob tries to walk off)

Larry : How about a little more weight? (Larry bends down to pick up a weight heavier than Sandy’s) Observe. (Larry grunts as he picks it up, his eyes bulging, and veins stick out from his neck. The crowd cheers, and Larry throws the weight down)

SpongeBob : Alright, stand back everyone.

(SpongeBob picks up a single twig from the ground. The crowd is silent. He sinks into the sand. Sandy walks to a weight)

Sandy : Y’all watch this! (Sandy picks up an anchor weight. The crowd cheers for her, but stop when they realize Larry has lifted the spectator stands) Way to go Larry! (SpongeBob burrows into the sand, and tunnels over to a fish picnicking next to a marshmallow sack)

SpongeBob : Could I borrow a couple of these? (the fish murmurs something through his marshmallow-filled mouth. SpongeBob takes two marshmallows and places them on the twig) And now, with the addition of two, count em, two marshmallows.

(SpongeBob preps himself for his lift, inhales deeply, takes hold of the twig, and is unable to lift it. The crowd isn’t moved. He tries again. And again. After a huge effort, SpongeBob hears a rip. He looks down and notices that he’s ripped his pants. The crowd gasps, then laughs at SpongeBob. SpongeBob scuttles off, embarrassed. Scooter walks over, laughing)

Scooter : THAT was too funny. (he slaps SpongeBob on the back) YOU are hilarious!

Sandy : Ain’t he the funniest little Sponge you ever saw?

(SpongeBob grins widely. Cut to Larry)

Larry : Anybody up for some volleyball?

(the ball volleys back and forth, until Larry spikes it into some fish and the crowd cheers for him. SpongeBob looks at him in contempt. A fish serves the ball and as Larry is about to hit it, SpongeBob interferes)

SpongeBob : I got it! (the ball falls and SpongeBob tries to serve it) Incoming! (the serve misses and the crowd boos. He bends down to pick the ball up and rips his pants) Oops, I guess I ripped my pants again! (the crowd laughs. Scooter walks in laughing again)

Scooter : Once again dude, (he slaps SpongeBob on the back) YOU have split my sides! (he continues to laugh. Cut to a Frisbee. Larry catches it and throws it to Sandy)

SpongeBob : Hey Sandy, how about throwing it to me?

Sandy : OK, here it comes! (SpongeBob stands still and lets the Frisbee hit him on the head, knocking him over)

SpongeBob : I could use a hand here! (he laughs. Sandy walks over and helps him up)

Sandy : You okay, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob : I guess so… (he does a handstand, revealing his pants) …except I ripped my pants! (the crowd laughs, and Scooter walks up to SpongeBob once again)

Scooter : You still got it, dude! (he slaps SpongeBob on the back again. Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy walking to an ice cream vendor)

Lou Vendor : May I help you?

SpongeBob : I’ll take a banana split.

Lou Vendor : Uh, we don’t have that.

SpongeBob : That’s okay. I already split my pants! Get it? (Sandy giggles)

Lou Vendor : (annoyed) Tee-hee. Anything else?

SpongeBob : How about ripple? (he does so, Sandy giggles again) No thanks, already got one! (Sandy drops laughing and SpongeBob happily bounces off to a snack bar. SpongeBob runs up to Harold, knocking his drink over) Is that a burger you’re eating?

Harold : Why, yes it is.

SpongeBob : You know what would go good with that?

Harold : No, what?

SpongeBob : (whispers) Ripped… pants.

(SpongeBob smiles widely and shows the annoyed Harold his ripped pants. SpongeBob then runs around the snack bar, laughing. He comes up in-between two fish)

SpongeBob : Ripped pants a la mode!

(he rips his pants, the fish are annoyed. Cut to SpongeBob being in the kitchen of the snack bar, next to the fry cook)

SpongeBob : Delivery! Did you order twenty cases of ripped pants?

(SpongeBob shoves his behind through the box, revealing his ripped pants. He laughs. The fry cook groans disgustedly. Cut to a broadcasting booth over looking the lagoon)

Perch Perkins : Surfs up in the Goo Lagoon. (fish are surfing. Close-up of Perch Perkins) And here comes Larry, doing his trademark lay-back. There goes Sandy, hanging ten… fingers, that is. There goes SpongeBob… ripping his… pants again.

(Perch Perkins is annoyed, then cut to SpongeBob ripping his pants on his surfboard. A wave knocks SpongeBob off his surfboard and washes him up on the beach)

Lifeguard : Hey, look! A cardboard box washed up on the beach. (he takes a closer look through his telescope) Holy fish paste! It’s a guy! (he sprints over to SpongeBob and flips him over) Why?! WHY?! WHHHHHYYYY?!!!!!!! (a crowd gathers around SpongeBob and the lifeguard)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

SpongeBob : (to lifeguard) Come closer. I need… I need…

Lifeguard : What do you need? (tears come to the lifeguards and Sandy’s eyes)

SpongeBob : (pats the lifeguard on the shoulder. Close up of SpongeBob’s mouth) A tailor. (the light turns off, accompanied by a light switch) Because I ripped my pants!

(The lifeguard takes a serious face, drops SpongeBob, and the crowd surrounding him walks off, angrily. SpongeBob is left alone and Sandy walks up to him)

Sandy : That wasn’t funny, SpongeBob! Y’all had me worried sick! (she walks off. Scooter walks towards SpongeBob and looks at him sadly)

Scooter : Dude… (he walks off. Cut to a dressing tent, with SpongeBob inside)

SpongeBob : (thinking) Come on, SpongeBob, you’re losing em! Think! Your public’s waiting. (speaking) Let’s see… (checking them off a list) “Lifting weights – big laugh”, “Frisbee in face – kills”, “Surfing – knocks em dead”, “Pretending to drown – … (he uses his pencil to write the word “NO” and circle it) NO”. Come on, think! I got it!

SpongeBob : (he runs out of the dressing tent) Hey everybody! Not ripped pants! (he tears his pants off) Pants ripped off. Huh? Someone call the police. There’s a pants thief on the loose!

(the wind howls, SpongeBob standing alone on the beach. A tumbleweed rolls by. SpongeBob turns and hears party music at a distance, and sees Larry and Sandy playing volleyball)

SpongeBob : Oh no, everybody’s gone, even Sandy. She’d rather hang out with Larry! Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (SpongeBob lies on the beach) We blew it, pants.

Pants : What do you mean, “we”? (the pants walk off, leaving SpongeBob alone)

SpongeBob : Oh, I didn’t have to be a fool to get Sandy’s attention. AM I THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE BEACH?!

(Millie walks up to SpongeBob, shining red)

Millie : No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen. (she places a fin on herself, and it leaves a sounding mark, which vanishes)

SpongeBob : Ouch. (a fish walks up to the two)

Fish : No, I am. I got sand in my buns. (he shows them two sandy hamburger buns. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the sand)

Whale : No, I’m the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.

All : What happened to you?

SpongeBob : I lost my best friend.

All : How?

(SpongeBob grabs a sand guitar and sings)

SpongeBob : When I ripped… (rip) my pants. (he starts to sing) I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won’t even spare a passing glance, all just because I (rip) ripped my pants.

(the other three “losers of the beach” assemble on a sand stage with sand instruments and sing)

All : When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and (rip) ripped his pants.

SpongeBob : (singing voice, a crowd begins to gather) I know I shouldn’t mope around, I shouldn’t curse, but the pain feels so much worse… cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun…

All : …or sand in your buns! (instrumental break, then the curtain shows waves crashing about)

SpongeBob : Now I learned a lesson I won’t soon forget… so listen and you won’t regret. Be true to yourself; don’t miss your chance… and you wont end up like the…

All : …fool~ who~ ripped~ his~ pants~!

(the whole group comes together one by one in sync with the music and rip their pants. By now, a huge crowd has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. A blimp flies by with SpongeBob’s name on it)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

SpongeBob : Sandy! (she jumps on onstage and hugs SpongeBob)

Sandy : Your song is true. If y’all want to be my friend, just be yourself.

(Larry walks up)

Larry : SpongeBob, that was so righteous. Would you… sign my pants?

SpongeBob : Absolutely, buddy. (SpongeBob bends down to sign Larry’s pants. His underpants rip off, leaving SpongeBob nude. Someone off-screen whistles)




SpongeBob : (SpongeBob walks outside, and breathes in the fresh air) Ahh, what a wonderful day. The sun is out, the water is shimmering, scallops are chirping. So peaceful.

(SpongeBob immediately grabs wood, a hammer, and some nails, and starts to noisily build a stand. Squidward peeks his head out the window)

Squidward : Can we lower the volume, please? I can’t work with all that racket going on!

SpongeBob : Oh, sure thing, Squidward.

Squidward : Yes. Mmm. Right. Mmm.

SpongeBob : OK.

(he taps on a nail lightly, and he looks up at Squidward’s window. He does it again, and continues to, making sure he doesn’t make too much noise. Meanwhile, in Squidward’s house, Squidward has his clarinet on hand)

Squidward : And now…  for some soothing sounds from Squidward’s clarinet. Thank you, thank you.

(he starts to play. SpongeBob looks up and sees that Squidward is playing, so he decides to finish his stand quickly. Squidward looks out the window again)

Squidward : I thought I… Wha?

SpongeBob : Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents.

Squidward : Oh, right. Like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles.

SpongeBob : Uh huh!

Squidward : Oh, please! I mean, who in the world would pay to blow bubbles?

(Patrick is coming out of his house, stuck to the underside of the rock)

Patrick : Good morning!

Squidward : Oh, boy.

(Patrick walks over to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob : Good morning to you, sir. Would you care to blow a bubble?

Patrick : Hmm, how much is it?

SpongeBob : Only a quarter.

Patrick : Sounds reasonable. (whispering) Uh, I’m going to need to borrow a quarter.

SpongeBob : Sure thing1, Patrick. (he pulls out a quarter and he gives it to Patrick)

Patrick : Ah, one quarter. (he hands the quarter back to SpongeBob, and bites it to see if it’s real)

SpongeBob : Thank you.

Squidward : Hmm, business is booming2. How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors? Uh huh. (he continues playing)

SpongeBob : One bubble wand, dipped and ready to go. (Patrick grabs wand from Spongebob, inhales deeply and begins to blow, but a bubble doesn’t come out. He pants and blows again. After a while, SpongeBob puts up a “Lessons” sign. Patrick then loses his breath) Could I interest you in some lessons?3 Only 25 cents.

Patrick : Uh, very well, then. Hey, Sponge, can I borrow another quarter? (SpongeBob hands Patrick a quarter) Thanks. (he winks and hands the quarter back to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob : OK, Patrick, it’s all in the technique! (he starts doing his infamous routine) First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Theeeen PELVIC THRUST! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, DON’T FORGET IT! Now its time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then… (he blows bubbles shaped like ducks)

Patrick : Oooh. (SpongeBob pops out of nowhere and blows a box. Patrick giggles and SpongeBob blows a caterpillar) Ah! (The caterpillar then pops one-by-one, with descending sounds. Patrick continues to giggle. SpongeBob blows a boat, and it floats off, pops, and makes a foghorn noise. Cuts to inside of Squidward’s house)

Squidward : Huh? (he shakes his clarinet. Cut back to outside with SpongeBob and Patrick)

SpongeBob : And now… with two hands! (he inhales deeply and blows out an elephant)

Patrick : It’s a giraffe!

(Patrick continues laughing as the elephant floats over into Squidward’s house. SpongeBob then frowns and tons of smaller bubbles come out of both windows of the house as an elephant sounds. Squidward opens the door with a sour look on his face. SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the stand. SpongeBob places a “Closed” sign on it. Squidward looks over the stand)

SpongeBob : Excuse me, sir, but we are clo…

Squidward : Don’t give me any of that! 4 How can you two possibly make all this noise just blowing bubbles?!

SpongeBob : We’re not just blowing bubbles, we’re making bubble art! Watch carefully. (he does his infamous routine again) First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Theeeen PELVIC THRUST! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, DON’T FORGET IT! Now its time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then…

(he blows a butterfly, which flies over to Squidward, lands on his head, and pops)

Squidward : That’s not art. That’s just annoying. Blowing bubbles, that’s the lamest idea I have ever heard. (SpongeBob and Patrick, now depressed, head to SpongeBob’s house) You should be ashamed of yourselves.

(SpongeBob closes the door as Squidward laughs to himself)

Squidward : Bubbles. (he continues laughing) Art.

(he mumbles, and picks up the bubble wand, sniffs it, and inhales to blow. Then, SpongeBob pops up out of nowhere)

SpongeBob : That’ll be 25 cents, sir.

Squidward : Ah, whoa, what? (SpongeBob blinks) Oh… who-who would pay 25 cents to blow bubbles?

SpongeBob : We also offer lessons for beginners. (he puts the “Lessons” sign up)

Squidward : Beginners? What could be more simple than blowing a stupid bubble? (he pulls a quarter out) Here’s your 25 cents! (SpongeBob bites it to see if its real and it bends) Watch and learn.

(he inhales and blows, but nothing happens)

Squidward : Uhh… wait, wait, wait. (he inhales and blows again, but nothing happens again) One more time. Here. Wait. (he inhales and blows again, and a small bubble comes out and instantly falls to the ground and bursts, making a raspberry sound. Squidward looks over at SpongeBob and Patrick. They gulp, and then start whistling. Squidward places another quarter on the stand) Uhh… Just a mere warm-up. (he dips the wand in the bubble container, inhales deeply and blows hard. The bubble falls to the ground again, making another raspberry sound, gets another quarter out and puts it on the stand)

SpongeBob : Hey, Squidward, remember the technique. (Squidward keeps trying to blow bubbles while SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to show him the technique)

SpongeBob and Patrick : (while standing on one foot) Technique! Technique! Technique! Technique!!!

SpongeBob : (weakly) You’re not doing the technique.

Patrick : Technique.

Squidward : Technique? Technique!? Technique, technique, technique, technique, TECHNIQUE!

(Squidward starts to do the infamous routine, while imitating SpongeBob)

Squidward : First I do this, spin around. Stop. Double take three times. And here we go, pelvic thrust. Wehooooo! Wehoohoo! Oh, stop on your right foot, don’t forget it. Then, bring it around town. And a little of this, a little of that, a little of this, this, this, this, that, that, that, that. And that, that, that that that that! And then…

(Squidward screams into the wand, blowing a gargantuan, unshaped bubble)

SpongeBob and Patrick : Wow! (Squidward is then lifted off the ground. The bubble pops off the wand and Squidward falls back on the ground)

SpongeBob : All right, Squid! That was so good!

Patrick : Squid is number one!

Squidward : I really did it, didn’t I? Hey, you guys didn’t blow anything like that!

SpongeBob : No.

Squidward : Now that’s a bubble!

SpongeBob : You said it5, Squidward. See, it is all in the technique!

Patrick : Yeah, technique.

Squidward : Technique? Hah! SpongeBob, you don’t think I created that (kisses his tentacle) beautiful work of art with your help? (he starts laughing) Come on, it’s in my genes.

SpongeBob and Patrick : Squid’s got genes! Squid’s got genes! (Squidward walks back to his house)

Squidward : Thank you, thank you, thank you. (he starts to play his clarinet. SpongeBob and Patrick chant Squidward’s name. At one point, they belly flop each other and Patrick falls on the ground.) I rock. (Squidward continues to play his clarinet. As SpongeBob and Patrick continue to chant, Squidward’s bubble flies over them, covers the house, and pulls it out of the ground and up towards the top of the ocean. SpongeBob notices and stops Patrick)

SpongeBob : (concerned) Squidward! (Patrick now notices)

SpongeBob and Patrick : Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! (Squidward stops playing his clarinet)

Squidward : Hello, my friends. You are looking at a… (he sees how far he is from the surface)

SpongeBob : SQUIDWARD!

Patrick : SQUIDWARD!

Squidward : …genius.

(the bubble explodes in the air and then the ground violently rumbles and shakes. SpongeBob and Patrick look in awe)

SpongeBob and Patrick : Wow!

(the ground stops shaking. The two slowly walk back to their homes. They then speed up and run inside their houses. Squidward’s house floats back to the surface. He starts playing his clarinet weakly to the Thankfulness song as the screen fades black, ending the episode)


  1. “물론이지!”, of course 
  2. “사업이 번창하고 있다.”라는 뜻으로, 여기에서는 “아주 대박났군!”과 같이 비꼬는 의미 
  3.  interest A in B : A에게 B 하는 것을 권하다. “레슨 한 번 받아볼래?”라는 의미 
  4. “그런 말 따윈 집어 춰!”, “그런 말도 안되는 소리 하지 마!” 
  5. (상대방의 말에 동조하며…) “맞는 말이야!”, “그래! 맞아.”와 같은 의미 

Tea at the Treedome


Tea at the Treedome

(is in Jellyfish Fields. A jellyfish floats by SpongeBob. SpongeBob comes from behind a bush and stares at the jellyfish with a telescope. Cuts to his view with the telescope)

SpongeBob : Wow, four stingers.

(Puts away the telescope and puts on his glasses. Cuts to the jellyfish, where SpongeBob floats over it with his net. Cut to the jellyfish alone, where SpongeBob’s foot stretches out from off-screen and then the rest of his body appears. He attempts to grab the jellyfish in his net, but he catches himself in the net, then the jellyfish flies away. In the background, a land squirrel is struggling. SpongeBob looks down a cliff and sees the land creature trying to fight a giant clam attempting. SpongeBob gasps)

SpongeBob : Where have I seen this before? (Takes out his “Field Guide” book and skims through the pages) Here it is! Land squirrel. (Cut to picture of a squirrel) That little squirrel is in trouble.

Sandy : Take that!1 you sorry old clam! Y’all need to learn some manners! (She walks away) You’re about as ugly as homemade soup.

SpongeBob : Hooray, land squirrel!

(cuts back to the land squirrel, who is oblivious to the clam resurfacing and jumping right at her. Cuts to SpongeBob, who is shock, his glasses shoot up)

SpongeBob : Look out! Hold on, little squirrel!

(He does a karate yell in front of the clam, then does the same while bouncing to different sides. He jumps high in the air, and lands on top of the clam; he poses on top of the giant clam)

SpongeBob : You have fought well, giant clam. Prepare to be vanquished! Hai! (tries to pry open the clam; he stops) Hey, I’m actually doing it.

(SpongeBob continues, the land squirrel finishes prying the clam open from inside it and SpongeBob goes flying into a sea plant)

SpongeBob : Your shell is mine! 

(SpongeBob pulls up his pants and starts to charge at the clam. He jumps into the clam’s mouth and starts to strangle its tongue. SpongeBob sees that the land squirrel has already escaped and the clam swallows him now.)

Sandy : Hold on there, little square dude!

(She then gets SpongeBob out and kicks the clam around some more and finally kicks it across the sea. The clam whimpers. Sandy leans down to see if SpongeBob is okay)

SpongeBob : Hey, you like karate too! (SpongeBob does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head) So, uhh, what’s your name?

Sandy : Sandy! So what do y’all call yourself?

SpongeBob : (runs up a big rock) I’m SpongeBob! (jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners)

Sandy : Well SpongeBob, take a gander at this!2

(She walks next to a huge rock and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect which precedes the rock breaking into pieces)

SpongeBob : Oh. Oh yeah? Watch this!

(He prepares to do a karate move, but all he does it make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on screen laughing)

Sandy : I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah!

SpongeBob : Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head?

Sandy : Why, that’s my air helmet.

SpongeBob : May I try it on?

Sandy : Heck, no. I need it to breath! I gotta have my air.

SpongeBob : Me too! I love air! Air is good.

Sandy : No kidding?

SpongeBob : Why, “air” is my middle name! The more air, the better! Can’t get enough of that air.

Sandy : Shee-oot3. How about coming over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? (shows a map leading to Sandy’s house) Don’t be late!

SpongeBob : Okay, see you tomorrow.

(runs to Patrick’s house, he is sun tanning on his rock)

SpongeBob : Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, Patrick, Patrick! What’s air?

Patrick : Huh?

SpongeBob : I just met this girl! She wears a hat full of… air!

Patrick : Do you mean she puts on “airs”?

SpongeBob : I guess so.

Patrick : That’s just fancy talk. If you want to be fancy, hold your pinky4 up like this! The higher you hold it, the fancier you are!

SpongeBob : (holds his pinky up) How’s that?

Patrick : Higher!

SpongeBob : Like that?

Patrick : Now that’s fancy! They should call you SpongeBob FancyPants!

(cuts to Sandy’s treedome)

Patrick : Remember, when in doubt, pinky up! You can do it, SpongeBob. I’ll be watching.

SpongeBob: Thanks pal.

(rings the doorbell with a bouquet in his hand)

Sandy : Hello?

SpongeBob : Hi-ya, Sandy. Its me, SpongeBob!

Sandy : Hold on a sec, I’ll let you in.

(whistles then all the water goes down the drain. SpongeBob bangs on the door)

SpongeBob : Sandy! Sandy! Open up! Sandy! Sandy!

(Sandy opens the door and SpongeBob jiggles on the ground)

SpongeBob : Sandy, somethings gone terribly wrong. There’s no water in… (looks around) …here.

Sandy : Course there’s no water. Nutin5 but air.

SpongeBob: (waves his hand around and smells the air) No water?

Sandy : That ain’t a problem, is it? Hi-yah!

SpongeBob : Problem? (laughing) Hi-yah! That’s how I like my air! (gasps, coughs and gets black circles around his eyes) With no water.
Sandy : (cartwheeling) Well, all right. I made Texas tea and cookies. Well, come on in! Hi-yah! (SpongeBob is walking an inch forward and it makes weak squeaking sounds with every step) That’s not in. In! (SpongeBob walks another inch and there is more squeaking. Sandy runs, gets SpongeBob, takes his hand, and runs off) You’re a funny little dude. Come on, I’ll give you the grand tour.

(fades to the blazing sun and pan down where Sandy and SpongeBob are standing)

Sandy : This is my own private little air bubble. This air is the driest… (SpongeBob gasps) …purest… (SpongeBob gasps again) …most airiest air in the whole sea. Oh, over there’s my birdbath.

(Cuts to the birdbath, where a red robin is splashing and chirping)

Sandy : And that’s my oak tree.

(SpongeBob seems enticed by the water in the birdbath. He tries to sneak away, but stays until Sandy lets her guard down)

Sandy : It provides me with extra air. This dome is made of the finest polyurethane, that’s a fancy word for plastic. Ain’t that just the bees knees? Tell you what, weren’t easy getting here neither. First, I…

(SpongeBob finally escapes and wallows in the birdbath, absorbing all the water. He then jumps back to his original spot, and the bird is quite angry. SpongeBob gets back before Sandy notices)

Sandy : …that’s my treadmill. That’s how I stay in tip-top6 shape. Well, come on. Let’s have that tea now.

(Does in-air karate moves and moves off-screen. SpongeBob gasps. He hears some knocking from outside. It’s Patrick, pointing at his pinky)

Patrick : Pinky! Pinky!

SpongeBob : (weakly holds up his pinky and gasps again. Fade to him sitting at a picnic bench. He now has little wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth is all puckered up. He holds up his bouquet) I brought you some flowers.

Sandy : (walks over) For me? How sweet! (Sandy grabs the flowers, but SpongeBob refuses to let go. She finally pries them loose and part of SpongeBobs pinky falls off. He fists his hand) You OK?

SpongeBob : (the black circles around his eyes are gone. His voice is hoarse) Yes, I’m OK.

Sandy : You know, you’re the first sea critter to ever visit.

SpongeBob : I can’t imagine why.

Sandy : Can I get you anything?

SpongeBob : Water would be nice.

Sandy : I’m gonna to put these in a vase.

SpongeBob : Take your time. (He then gasps and stumbles toward the door and struggles to open it) I gotta get out of here! Aaaaahh!

(he then thinks)

Sandy : (in SpongeBob’s head) I like you, SpongeBob. We could be tighter than bark on a tree!

(SpongeBob struggles even more)

Patrick : (in SpongeBob’s head) When in doubt, pinky up.

SpongeBob : (lifts his pinky. He then gets confidence and victorious music plays) I don’t need water! Water’s for quitters! I don’t need it! I don’t need it! I don’t need it! I don’t need it, I don’t need it… (he then sits down, loses confidence again and the music stops)

Sandy : Why, these flowers are just beautiful! (sniffs) They’ll last much, much longer in a vase full of ice, cold water. (puts the vase down. SpongeBob is totally enticed by the water. Sandy sits down across from him) So tell me about yourself. (Sandy puts her hands under head head feeling aroused) It must be fascinating being a sea critter.

(SpongeBob watches a drop of water drop down the side of the glass)

Sandy : SpongeBob? (a timer goes off) Oh, there’s the cookies. (walks back into the tree) Be right back.

SpongeBob : (thinking) I don’t need it, I don’t need it, I definitely don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. (talking) I NEED IT!!! (He shoots up in the air, bounces off the ceiling and holds the vase)

Patrick : No, SpongeBob! No, no, no, stop! Pinky! Pinky!

SpongeBob : (guzzling down the whole vase of water) I’m a quitter! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (screams and runs around)

Patrick : (enters into the dome and slams the door shut) You can’t leave now! You’ll blow it!

SpongeBob : (hanging on the door) Air is not good, Patrick! Air is not good!

Patrick : (pries SpongeBob off the door and carries him around) You’re just being shy. Don’t worry, buddy. You’re doing fine. (starts getting weak) I wont let you blow… this. (drops SpongeBob and crawls on the floor, panting. He coughs and sputters, then stands up) WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?! (runs toward the door and tries to open it) There’s no water in here!

SpongeBob : (joins in on the door-opening struggle) I tried to tell you!

Patrick : We’ve got to get out of here!

SpongeBob : You’re… doing it… wrong…

Patrick : Wait, no! We’ve got… to get… out…

(fades to the sun)

Sandy : (walks out of the tree with tea and cookies) Come and get it! Y’all gonna like this… WA!!!

(she screams and drops her tray. In the grass is a live-action sponge and starfish. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick leaning against a ladder with two goldfish helmets on. Sandy, on top of the ladder, uses a hose to fill these helmets with water)

Sandy : There, that ought to do it!7 If y’all needed water, you shoulda8 asked. (Sandy carries over a tray with three tea glasses. Everyone takes one) I propose a toast9, to new friends!

(She drinks it. SpongeBob and Patrick lift their drinks up and they clink the glasses on the helmets, causing them to spill)

Sandy : Hold on a second. (She places a tea bag in each helmet, allowing the two to drink the tea water) I hope you like your tea strong. Drink up!

(Patrick nudges SpongeBob and they both put their pinky up. They sip the tea)

All : Ahhh!


  1.  (때리거나 공격하며…) “이러면 어쩔건데!” 
  2. (take a look at … 의미 보다는 조금 거들먹 거리며) “…을 힐끗 보다.” 정도의 의미로 “슬쩍 한 번 봐봐!” 
  3. “shit!” 보다 순화된, 부드러운 표현. 
  4. = pinkie, 새끼손가락 
  5. = nothing 
  6. (extremely good) 최고의 
  7. “공기 중에서 숨 쉬는 것은 물로 채워진 헬멧으로 해결 될 거야”라는 의미로,  “이걸로 될 꺼야” 로 해석. 
  8. = should have, “(물이 필요하면) 물어봤어야지~” 
  9. cheers와 같이 “건배”를 뜻하지만, cheers는 주로 감탄사로만 쓰이고, toast는 평서문이나 가벼운 의미의 건배로 사용됨.