Jellyfishing

Jellyfishing
Narrator : Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. (a jellyfish flies by SpongeBob’s house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole) Oh, what is happening here? (SpongeBob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him) Collectors?

(SpongeBob nods to Patrick. They both seriously run toward two vents: one square shaped, one circular shaped. SpongeBob takes the square one and Patrick takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. SpongeBob and Patrick take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it)

SpongeBob : I think I’ve got it! Wait…

(we hear jellyfish stings and SpongeBob and Patrick screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidward’s house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike)

Squidward : Hm.

SpongeBob : Hey Squidward, we’re jellyfishing.

Squidward : Of course you are, bye now. (walks off)

SpongeBob : Wait! We made a net especially for you! (holds it up) Do you want to come with us?

Squidward : (sarcastically) Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book. I would love to go jellyfishing! I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends : SpongeBob and… uh…

Patrick : Patrick.

Squidward : Right. But I can’t. Bye bye.

SpongeBob : Next time?

Squidward : Oh sure, right! Whatever. (bikes away; under-breath) Like that’ll ever happen.

SpongeBob : You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun.

Patrick : Maybe he doesn’t like us.

SpongeBob : No, are you kidding? We’re his best friends.

(Squidward bikes down a path, cuckling to himself)

Squidward : Jellyfishing. (laughs, as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates) Oh, I’ll go. (laughs) I sure had them going.

(laughs. But, he doesn’t see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidward’s mouth and he coughs it out)

Squidward : Stupid jellyfish! Beat it!

(he hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him. Squidward’s legs get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. When he reaches the bottom, there’s an atomic explosion. He groans silently. Cut to SpongeBob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. No one there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, “Friends.” He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, who’s in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path)

SpongeBob : Squid’s back! (he phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom)

Patrick : Yello?

SpongeBob : Hey Patrick, Squid’s home! And we’re gonna make sure he’s greeted by his two best friends!

Patrick : Oh great! Who are they? (it’s revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers)

SpongeBob : Us! (the two hang up) Let’s go!

(Squidward wheels himself into his house and turns on the lights. SpongeBob and Patrick are inside with a banner, “Welcome Home”)

SpongeBob : Welcome home, Squidward!

Patrick : Merry Christmas!

SpongeBob : We’re gonna make this your best day ever! (Squidward turns around and wheels out. SpongeBob rolls him back in) Well your best day’s sure not gonna be out there.

(SpongeBob wheels Squidward to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup)

Patrick : How about some soup on your best day ever? (Squidward looks at the soup and sees Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, “Best Day Ever” Patrick holds up a spoon) Here we go! (he scoops some up, but Squidward makes some grunting noises in refusal) Oh, it’s a little hot. (he blows on it, but blows the soup off. Squidward screams off-screen. Patrick notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on. This continues for three times and we see all the steaming soup is getting on Squidward. SpongeBob pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously)

SpongeBob : I don’t think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. (walks near a music stand and Squidward’s clarinet) How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. (he blows into it, but wind comes out) Sorry, my lips are a little dry. (he wets his lips exaggeratingly long and wet and starts to blow when Patrick takes the clarinet away)

Patrick : Music isn’t best either.

SpongeBob : But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever THE best day ever!

(cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob and Patrick hold nets)

SpongeBob and Patrick : (chanting) Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!

SpongeBob : This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured. (Squidward rides away, but SpongeBob catches him) No, no, Squid! Over here! I know you’re eager, Squid, but you don’t even have your net. Pat, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.

Patrick : Firmly grasp it in your hand. (he places the pole end on Squidward’s bandaged hand, but it falls because he can’t grab, Patrick picks it up) Firmly grasp it. (he does it again and the results are the same. Patrick’s mad) FIRMLY GRASP IT! (he jams the net through Squidward’s bandaged hand. He groans in pain)

Patrick : That oughta do it.

(SpongeBob spots a jellyfish)

SpongeBob : There’s one in position. Ready… set… GO! (the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isn’t budging. The two eventually notice Squidward isn’t going anywhere. They again encourage him, but nothing happens)

Patrick : I think we gotta show him how it’s done.

(in the tune of “The Beautiful Blue Danube,” SpongeBob and Patrick dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squidward, mad, goes after the jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice)

SpongeBob : Hey look! Squid’s doing it!

(as Squidward chases, SpongeBob and Patrick cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink rock and Squidward catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the rock. The rock surfaces revealing to be a really huge jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick look on)

Patrick : This guy’s good.

SpongeBob : He’s a natural!

(SpongeBob and Patrick cheer Squidward on as Squidward tries to get away from the jellyfish. After several strokes of luck, he’s eventually caught off-screen and is stung to the extreme. SpongeBob and Patrick stop cheering)

SpongeBob and Patrick : Oooh.

(Nervously. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking in front of Squidward’s place covered in bandages)

SpongeBob : Hey, Patrick. Well… (sighs) Thought yesterday went… (hesitates) pretty well, don’t you think?

Patrick : I had fun.

SpongeBob : Me too.

(some whirring is heard in the background)

Patrick : Here comes Squidward!

SpongeBob : Oh, great. (Squidward comes rolling down the path in a stretcher and in a cast) Hey Squid! How about that… (Squidward rolls down the front walk) …best day ever?

Patrick : There’s always tomorrow! (Squidward bangs on the door, trying to get in)

SpongeBob: Um, we’re really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. (he bangs the door again) Um, we got you a present! (it’s the jellyfish that caused Squidward to encounter the large jellyfish in a jar) It’s the jellyfish. (Squidward frowns)

Patrick : You know, from yesterday!

SpongeBob : You’re not still mad, are you?

(Squidward opens the jar)

Patrick : Yup, he’s still mad.

(The jellyfish chases after SpongeBob and Patrick and stings them. Squidward laughs to himself. But the large jellyfish is back and zaps Squidward. Now he’s burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off)

Squidward : Ouch.

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Ripped Pants

Ripped Pants

Narrator : Ah, Goo Lagoon. A stinky mud puddle to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful, stinky mud puddle.

(SpongeBob and Sandy sit enjoying the beach. SpongeBob sighs)

SpongeBob : What a great day. (he runs off) Hey Sandy! Look! (he is now covered in a mound of sand) I’m Sandy! (Sandy laughs. SpongeBob forms sand around his head and nose to look like Squidward and imitates his voice) Hey Sandy, who am I? (Sandy still laughs. SpongeBob picks up a sand phone) Hello SpongeBob. Could you keep it down? I’m trying to be boring. (Sandy continues laughing)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

(a doorbell rings, SpongeBob walks in carrying sand pizza boxes and wearing a sand hat)

SpongeBob : Did anyone order twenty pepperoni and sand pizzas? (SpongeBob and Sandy laugh together. Larry walks up)

Larry : Hey Sandy. Hey SpongeBob.

Sandy : Hey Larry.

Larry : You guys wanna go lift some weights?

Sandy : Sure. (she and Larry walk off) Well come on, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob : (SpongeBob’s sand pizzas fall flat as he walks on dejectedly, disappointingly) Coming.

(cut to a group of weightlifters, each grunting as they work out. Larry turns to Sandy)

Larry : Give it a try, Sandy.

(Sandy stands in front of a weight. She picks it up, grunting as she does so. The crowd cheers for her, and she throws the weight down)

SpongeBob : Good job, Sandy. Well, that’s about enough for today, don’t you think? (SpongeBob tries to walk off)

Larry : How about a little more weight? (Larry bends down to pick up a weight heavier than Sandy’s) Observe. (Larry grunts as he picks it up, his eyes bulging, and veins stick out from his neck. The crowd cheers, and Larry throws the weight down)

SpongeBob : Alright, stand back everyone.

(SpongeBob picks up a single twig from the ground. The crowd is silent. He sinks into the sand. Sandy walks to a weight)

Sandy : Y’all watch this! (Sandy picks up an anchor weight. The crowd cheers for her, but stop when they realize Larry has lifted the spectator stands) Way to go Larry! (SpongeBob burrows into the sand, and tunnels over to a fish picnicking next to a marshmallow sack)

SpongeBob : Could I borrow a couple of these? (the fish murmurs something through his marshmallow-filled mouth. SpongeBob takes two marshmallows and places them on the twig) And now, with the addition of two, count em, two marshmallows.

(SpongeBob preps himself for his lift, inhales deeply, takes hold of the twig, and is unable to lift it. The crowd isn’t moved. He tries again. And again. After a huge effort, SpongeBob hears a rip. He looks down and notices that he’s ripped his pants. The crowd gasps, then laughs at SpongeBob. SpongeBob scuttles off, embarrassed. Scooter walks over, laughing)

Scooter : THAT was too funny. (he slaps SpongeBob on the back) YOU are hilarious!

Sandy : Ain’t he the funniest little Sponge you ever saw?

(SpongeBob grins widely. Cut to Larry)

Larry : Anybody up for some volleyball?

(the ball volleys back and forth, until Larry spikes it into some fish and the crowd cheers for him. SpongeBob looks at him in contempt. A fish serves the ball and as Larry is about to hit it, SpongeBob interferes)

SpongeBob : I got it! (the ball falls and SpongeBob tries to serve it) Incoming! (the serve misses and the crowd boos. He bends down to pick the ball up and rips his pants) Oops, I guess I ripped my pants again! (the crowd laughs. Scooter walks in laughing again)

Scooter : Once again dude, (he slaps SpongeBob on the back) YOU have split my sides! (he continues to laugh. Cut to a Frisbee. Larry catches it and throws it to Sandy)

SpongeBob : Hey Sandy, how about throwing it to me?

Sandy : OK, here it comes! (SpongeBob stands still and lets the Frisbee hit him on the head, knocking him over)

SpongeBob : I could use a hand here! (he laughs. Sandy walks over and helps him up)

Sandy : You okay, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob : I guess so… (he does a handstand, revealing his pants) …except I ripped my pants! (the crowd laughs, and Scooter walks up to SpongeBob once again)

Scooter : You still got it, dude! (he slaps SpongeBob on the back again. Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy walking to an ice cream vendor)

Lou Vendor : May I help you?

SpongeBob : I’ll take a banana split.

Lou Vendor : Uh, we don’t have that.

SpongeBob : That’s okay. I already split my pants! Get it? (Sandy giggles)

Lou Vendor : (annoyed) Tee-hee. Anything else?

SpongeBob : How about ripple? (he does so, Sandy giggles again) No thanks, already got one! (Sandy drops laughing and SpongeBob happily bounces off to a snack bar. SpongeBob runs up to Harold, knocking his drink over) Is that a burger you’re eating?

Harold : Why, yes it is.

SpongeBob : You know what would go good with that?

Harold : No, what?

SpongeBob : (whispers) Ripped… pants.

(SpongeBob smiles widely and shows the annoyed Harold his ripped pants. SpongeBob then runs around the snack bar, laughing. He comes up in-between two fish)

SpongeBob : Ripped pants a la mode!

(he rips his pants, the fish are annoyed. Cut to SpongeBob being in the kitchen of the snack bar, next to the fry cook)

SpongeBob : Delivery! Did you order twenty cases of ripped pants?

(SpongeBob shoves his behind through the box, revealing his ripped pants. He laughs. The fry cook groans disgustedly. Cut to a broadcasting booth over looking the lagoon)

Perch Perkins : Surfs up in the Goo Lagoon. (fish are surfing. Close-up of Perch Perkins) And here comes Larry, doing his trademark lay-back. There goes Sandy, hanging ten… fingers, that is. There goes SpongeBob… ripping his… pants again.

(Perch Perkins is annoyed, then cut to SpongeBob ripping his pants on his surfboard. A wave knocks SpongeBob off his surfboard and washes him up on the beach)

Lifeguard : Hey, look! A cardboard box washed up on the beach. (he takes a closer look through his telescope) Holy fish paste! It’s a guy! (he sprints over to SpongeBob and flips him over) Why?! WHY?! WHHHHHYYYY?!!!!!!! (a crowd gathers around SpongeBob and the lifeguard)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

SpongeBob : (to lifeguard) Come closer. I need… I need…

Lifeguard : What do you need? (tears come to the lifeguards and Sandy’s eyes)

SpongeBob : (pats the lifeguard on the shoulder. Close up of SpongeBob’s mouth) A tailor. (the light turns off, accompanied by a light switch) Because I ripped my pants!

(The lifeguard takes a serious face, drops SpongeBob, and the crowd surrounding him walks off, angrily. SpongeBob is left alone and Sandy walks up to him)

Sandy : That wasn’t funny, SpongeBob! Y’all had me worried sick! (she walks off. Scooter walks towards SpongeBob and looks at him sadly)

Scooter : Dude… (he walks off. Cut to a dressing tent, with SpongeBob inside)

SpongeBob : (thinking) Come on, SpongeBob, you’re losing em! Think! Your public’s waiting. (speaking) Let’s see… (checking them off a list) “Lifting weights – big laugh”, “Frisbee in face – kills”, “Surfing – knocks em dead”, “Pretending to drown – … (he uses his pencil to write the word “NO” and circle it) NO”. Come on, think! I got it!

SpongeBob : (he runs out of the dressing tent) Hey everybody! Not ripped pants! (he tears his pants off) Pants ripped off. Huh? Someone call the police. There’s a pants thief on the loose!

(the wind howls, SpongeBob standing alone on the beach. A tumbleweed rolls by. SpongeBob turns and hears party music at a distance, and sees Larry and Sandy playing volleyball)

SpongeBob : Oh no, everybody’s gone, even Sandy. She’d rather hang out with Larry! Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (SpongeBob lies on the beach) We blew it, pants.

Pants : What do you mean, “we”? (the pants walk off, leaving SpongeBob alone)

SpongeBob : Oh, I didn’t have to be a fool to get Sandy’s attention. AM I THE BIGGEST LOSER ON THE BEACH?!

(Millie walks up to SpongeBob, shining red)

Millie : No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen. (she places a fin on herself, and it leaves a sounding mark, which vanishes)

SpongeBob : Ouch. (a fish walks up to the two)

Fish : No, I am. I got sand in my buns. (he shows them two sandy hamburger buns. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and a whale pops his head out of the sand)

Whale : No, I’m the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.

All : What happened to you?

SpongeBob : I lost my best friend.

All : How?

(SpongeBob grabs a sand guitar and sings)

SpongeBob : When I ripped… (rip) my pants. (he starts to sing) I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won’t even spare a passing glance, all just because I (rip) ripped my pants.

(the other three “losers of the beach” assemble on a sand stage with sand instruments and sing)

All : When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and (rip) ripped his pants.

SpongeBob : (singing voice, a crowd begins to gather) I know I shouldn’t mope around, I shouldn’t curse, but the pain feels so much worse… cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun…

All : …or sand in your buns! (instrumental break, then the curtain shows waves crashing about)

SpongeBob : Now I learned a lesson I won’t soon forget… so listen and you won’t regret. Be true to yourself; don’t miss your chance… and you wont end up like the…

All : …fool~ who~ ripped~ his~ pants~!

(the whole group comes together one by one in sync with the music and rip their pants. By now, a huge crowd has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. A blimp flies by with SpongeBob’s name on it)

Sandy : SpongeBob!

SpongeBob : Sandy! (she jumps on onstage and hugs SpongeBob)

Sandy : Your song is true. If y’all want to be my friend, just be yourself.

(Larry walks up)

Larry : SpongeBob, that was so righteous. Would you… sign my pants?

SpongeBob : Absolutely, buddy. (SpongeBob bends down to sign Larry’s pants. His underpants rip off, leaving SpongeBob nude. Someone off-screen whistles)

 

Calvin and Hobbes : November 21, 1985

Teacher : Show and tell is over, Calvin. Please put your “tiger” in your locker.

Calvin : In my Locker?! Hell suffocate!

Teacher : Well, at least put him under your chair.

Calvin : Whew! That was a close one!

Hobbes : I’ll say!

Calvin : Seven plus three. Hobbes : Seventy three.

 

  • suffocate : 질식하다.
  • that was a close one : 아슬아슬 했다. 큰일 날 뻔했다. (=That was close)
  • I’ll say : “내 말이!”, “그러게 말이야!”와 같은 의미